When you write a blog, you read blogs, and I’ve read more than my fair share of fashion blogs. Since I’m described as plus size I marvel at the options thinner women have. How do they decide amongst all that choice? No wonder there are so many instructional posts and inspiration boards. As it is I just pick out what fits at the store that offers my size, so I don’t get to really make these choices. Even with a smaller pool to cast my net, I do have some fashion rules for myself and I thought I might share them with you.
1. Don’t buy white. White T-shirts always conjure barbeques where I am compelled beyond my control to have extra mustard. I’m just going to stop that game before it starts.
2. Don’t buy boots that have open toes, and sweaters with short sleeves. There is simply no weather combination that makes those choices valid.
3. Don’t look at mass production retail for style inspiration. That stuff isn’t in style any longer than it lasts. I think fad items self destruct the instant a new fad comes onto the market, much like Kleenexes are replaced in the box. One crocheted top falls apart in your dryer as mom jeans simultaneously hit the racks at H&M (Not that I can shop there, but I wanted to keep the metaphor relatable).
4. Big boobs mean nothing with a low neckline. I spend 80% of the time out of my house at work (10% transit, 10% yard maintenance) and I forget that boobs are placed under my face and not professional looking, even when framed in a V. I think you need more serious boobs for work; ones that don’t wiggle when someone tells a joke.
5. Pay whatever it costs to have a pair of jeans that a) does not slide down all day b) does not gap out so far at the back that it appears I am trying to funnel rain water down my ass crack c) does not choke my ankles d) has more resilience than crepe paper between the thighs e) has a zipper that stays the eff up already, and f) actually looks good.
6. Colour is for people with joy in their hearts. Stay with what you know and keep it in the grey to black range.
7. If it’s made of plastic, it’s never worth more than pocket change. Coincidentally I just learned that it is the plastic content in tampons that puts you at risk of TSS. All cotton tampons don’t do that to you. Plastics just don’t care about you like natural fibres do. Wear more hand knitted stuff your friends give you… he he he
On that note, I shall get back to my knitting…